Flying the French Bee

Well, well, well…let’s start with Terminal B at Newark airport. If you have been to the new Terminal A, it’s actually insane to imagine that these two terminals are at the same airport. The terminal B gate we were assigned to has two flights leaving from there and all 200 people checked in trying to get a drink at one tiny sub-par with 3 workers who all seem confused and overwhelmed. Rebecca tried only eating a bag of chick peas but we ended up snagging what seemed to be an extra two sandwiches that the man was auctioning off. They were terrible but neither one of us had eaten much so we figured it would hold us over until plane food!

We board the bee. I booked a window seat and Rebecca booked the aisle. We had hoped the seat between us would be open but there was a young woman sitting there with her dog. I politely asked if she would mind switching to the aisle so we could be next to each other…she agreed but then Rebecca is like “where are you going? I want the aisle, I don’t need to be next to my friend” lol so we flew in our extra small seats with her in between.

Very shortly after takeoff, the flight attendant came around and gave us a card for our basic meal and then dropped off our “Duo Moment” that we ordered which was two splits of Nicolas Feuillate champagne and 3 hors d’oeuvres for each of us. We giggled a lot about our silly duo moment but definitely laughed the most when Rebecca took a bite of one of them said “I can’t identify what this is” and I bit into it and quickly realized it was shrimp (which she doesn’t eat because they are “bottom feeders”) and I wasn’t sure if I should tell her and she said “it’s shrimp isn’t it…” and we giggled uncontrollably from wine and xanax and champagne. Then we passed out for 4 hours.

(The other two hors d’oeuvres were basically Trader Joe’s mini quiches.)

We woke with about an hour and a half left. The flight was really only 6 hours. Took off around 11:15pm and landed at what would be 5:20am in NJ. (11:20am here)

They came around with the breakfast trolley selling items when we realized our meal cards were gone. When the flight attendants got to our row, two carts basically met in the middle so there were 4 attendants there. I asked the woman “sorry but we paid for a meal and didn’t get them yet” and she said “we came around after takeoff and you were asleep”. I said “but we paid for two meals” and she said “well you can have them but it is cold now, it’s been in the refrigerator for 4 hours”. I said “well can we get a little breakfast instead?” And she said “no, it is different providers, do you want the cold food?” And I just stared at her with what Rebecca describes as a look of “horror, disbelief, and a small touch of I want to murder you”.

At the very least, I dinged the attendants with the call button to bring us some water and, though he brought it, as he was filling all three glasses he said “you can get the water yourself up front”. French customer service at its finest! Our French seat mate laughed with us and told us “the French do not accommodate” …yes, we’ve noticed.

We landed in rainy Paris, deplaned into the rain and onto a bus because we were so early we had no gate, got separated and reunited, waited online for 45 minutes to get a passport stamp while complaining about the French bee lady and how hungry we were, and finally found a spot for a quick Apple turnover pastry and a water before walking around for 10 mins in the rain trying to find our Uber driver who was so so nice. Finally on our way to hostel!